Bad Habits.....and Stress

Last week I wrote about God's provision for my family in a tight spot. If you missed it you can read it here. This week I will illustrate for you how easily we forget....

Just a few days after our Hallelujah...we're gonna eat some venison....moment, we were hit with a couple of little financial things. One is just plain old life. The other was completely unexpected and something that we're still not sure we're going to have to pay. Getting notified of these people wanting money, however, made me mad. Oh was I EVER mad! I am not easily angered and I'm not easily stressed out, but for some reason I really let this get to me. Ranting on and on about the injustice of it all and how we'll probably have to pay what they're asking and WHERE am I going to get the money for that now?! My poor husband was the recipient of quite a few text messages that day.

In addition to my anger (looking back now the level of mad was waaaay higher than it should have been) old habits crept up and bit me in the rear. All Monday morning all I did was eat...because somewhere in my twisted brain that makes life all better....I ate an entire cup of fudge swirl ice cream AND a cupcake before I left the house to run errands. It's a good thing I left because Lord knows what else I would have found to stuff in my face! This is what happens when I'm feeling..well most any strong emotion. "I'm so sad!...Let's eat!...I'm so mad!...Let's eat!....I don't know what I'm going to do!....Except eat!" I don't know where this comes from, but I have done my best to run away from the kitchen every time I feel this way. This time...I did not succeed.

As I was in the waiting room of my kids' dentist office I was stewing over that thing that I was so mad about. God very nearly hit me over the head and said, "excuse me...have you so quickly forgotten what I am capable of? I'm big enough to give you a little food, but I'm not big enough for this little problem too?" Needless to say, I was sufficiently chastised. I prayed and repented and handed it over to the Lord. But, you know, you can't just pray about it and then continue to stew about it. That's not "trusting it to God." That's pretty much just like a child showing his mother a cut, then when she says "let me put some medicine on it" he snatches it back and says "no, it'll hurt! I just wanted you to see it and know about it but I don't trust you to make it better!" So I changed my attitude. I started thinking about things that could possibly come out of my situation that could be positive, and surprisingly enough I thought of a couple! Then I decided I'd put it away and just be. I have kids to take care of and pray they have no cavities! I have better things to do than think on that all day. Also, my husband is the one handling the situation (with far more professionalism and grace than I could have mustered!) So there. Yes, the problem is still there and must be tended to, but no, it will not dictate my mood...or my eating habits!

And so I have been running around singing "Can't Nobody....Do me like Jesuuuuuus!" Because I'm goofy.....and because it's true!

God's Provision

This week I have a cool story to share. I debated on blogging about it because I usually blog about eating and weight loss but it's my blog. So I can deviate from the norm if I want to right? Right. 

A couple of weeks ago school fundraising season was in full swing. I had all these doe-eyed little faces coming to me and asking me to buy wrapping paper or candy or to help them feed the orphans. And I said "yes" every time. (Don't worry the hubby ate the candy. He can afford all those calories.) I mean how could I not?! They're all so cute! Well, I gave no mind to the amounts I was contributing or whether it would put a hole in my budget. (Those cute little faces!) It came time for me to plot out my household budget for the next couple of weeks and THAT'S when I realized....oh. Maybe I should not have been so impulsive! 

I prayed and asked God to give me the wisdom to make it work. I crunched some numbers and figured out that if we didn't have our once a week meal out for a couple of weeks AND if I cut my grocery budget back for the next couple of weeks we'd be back in the black...barely but it would work out. Thank you Lord! 

Then week two rolled around. I had been depending (in my budgeting and meal planning) on using vegetables from my CSA box that are already paid for. But the start of my CSA season has been delayed due to their losing crops to the harsh weather. Which is a risk you take when buying into a CSA. So now I have to buy vegetables. And my meat stores in the deep freezer are running low. There's no way I'm stretching the money I have to get everything I need. We may have to live on eggs and rice for a week. Okay Lord. Show me what to do. 

Suddenly I remembered a gift card my husband was given as a gift. It's a card to an out of the way local specialty meat store! We had been procrastinating using it because it was way out of our way, but now they have a location close to the hubby's work! Thank you Lord!

But He wasn't done yet. I sent my husband to work one morning armed with the gift card and instructions to bring home whatever it could buy us. He comes home that afternoon wearing a giant grin and carrying two bags. They say "Walmart" on the side. "What's all this," I ask. "Didn't you go the meat market?" "Nope," he replies. Then he tells me how so-and-so from work said he was trying to get rid of a bunch of venison to make room for when he goes hunting. Well my husband, being the nice guy he is, mentioned how we eat venison  and we could help him with that. The guy invited him to come on over after work and he'd gladly give him some. 

So there my husband stood. With bags of God's unexpected provisions. NINE meals worth. At first I thought the provision was the wisdom to budget and shop frugally. Then I thought the provision was the long forgotten gift card. But no. Each time the blessing just got better and better until there was no doubt Who it came from. Because God's cool like that. 

Extremes

I have discovered there are two kinds of recipes. They are both "OMG!" One is "OMG! That's delicious manna from Heaven please sir may I have some more?!" And then there's "OMG! What have I done to deserve this?" Very seldom does one come across a recipe that falls in the between category of "Meh."

Low carb eating is kind of that way too I find. You either do really well and have a beautiful balance of nutrition or you drive through Wendy's, order a double stack and eat only the meat and cheese. 

I find myself flying back and forth between these extremes lately. Sometimes I look at my plate and wonder when was the last time I athe something green. Other times my plate is a beautiful rainbow of veggies that I just know is going to kill my stomach later. 

And then there are the recipes. I take turns being disenchanted with all those recipes because I can't seem to find a good one and wanting to try something new because I'm so tired of cooking the same thing over and over again. 

This past week was interesting. I had one of those times when I was tired of the same old thing. Although I could eat eggs three meals a day every day, I really wanted a hot dog for lunch the other day. My usual hot dog is an all beef frank cut up and mixed with some canned chili. Sans bun. I know. Thrilling. But I didn't have any of my fancy zero filler, zero carb hot dogs. Just "kid" hot dogs. You know the ones I'm talking about. When you boil them they turn the water red. Yeah. Those. Well THOSE have 4 grams of carbs PER hot dog. 4! That's a lot for one hot dog. Not counting the chili. I refused to waste my carbs on inferior dogs. 

So this happened. I call it "huevos gringos". It was fantastic. Surprisingly fantastic. It also was about the furthest you can travel from a vegetable. I mean really. Eggs, chili and cheese. Not exactly the balanced food pyramid. I can't wait for my CSA to start. Maybe I'll regain some of my sanity and eat some veggies. 

This week I have had three small victories. The first? I exercised five times in seven days. Even when I didn't want to. I'm tired people. I hate mornings....

The second? I haven't had any sugar substitutes this week. My belly thanks me. My husband thanks me. It's a good thing....

The third? I made an ahmazing recipe. I didn't find it on some website or in a book. I DID it myself. And it is soooo good. I shall put it on the recipe tab. You shall thank me. That is if you ever gather all the fancy ingredients to make it. Maybe I'm feeling it was more fabulous than it was because I've had so many epic fails, but I ate it and it was soooo good! "Whaaaat?!" You're thinking, "what was it for the love of fish!" ...... Almond flour pancakes. Oh. Man. They were good. I sweetened it with just a touch of honey so that they could stand alone since I didn't want to use syrup. Then, I spiced them with cinnamon. Pure yum. I saved the leftovers for snacks. As a matter of fact, scuse me. All this talk has made me want one.....

All Nighters and Unusual Behaviors

Yesterday was kind of a busy day. I had a great visit with my mom, we finished school work (I have a Kindergartener AND a 3rd grader now!) I made pizza (low carb crust for me of course) and even cleaned house! Ok only a little, but still! 

All that was finished. The dishes were done. I could think of 5,000 other things I could also do. What do I choose? I paint my nails. Anyone inside my closest circles knows it's been several years since I bothered to paint my nails. Toenails, yes. Fingernails? I just don't bother. It doesn't stay on long enough to warrant all that work! Am I gaining such self confidence that I care what my claws look like? Probably not. But it's nice to pamper myself once in a while. I wonder how many hours the polish will stay on THIS time....

I've been doing lots of things lately that are....unusual. At least unusual for me! 

1) I eat grapefruit

2) I enjoy eating the grapefruit

3) I put lime in my water...I have never liked lime

4) I miraculously now enjoy lime!

5) I have worked out a total of three days this week. And we're only on day number three!

6) I have not had solid chocolate in a while. 

7) I have shaved my legs at least twice in one lunar cycle. 

Who am I?! 

Last weekend I was a chaperone at our church's annual girls' sleepover. So, we're talking kids. Not just kids. Girls. Almost 30 giggly girls. They needed fuel to make it through the night. Lots of sugary fuel. I knew I wasn't going to stay low carb that night, but I didn't realize just how many carbs a person can consume in the course of a night....or how cruddy you can feel afterwards when you're not used to eating that way!

Let's start with dinner Friday night. I had a corn dog. Ok I had TWO corn dogs. And that was the last protein I had for at least 12 hours. A wiener....wrapped in carbs. There were chips and cookies and cake and brownies and honey buns and......then breakfast of cereal and cinnamon rolls and biscuits and fruit and powdered doughnuts and....

By the time I left the church my body was begging me for an egg! I had that sugar crash feeling. Meanwhile the kids are all bright and bushy tailed asking for more! 

Not very much of me has changed though. Sure I painted my nails but I really miss solid milk chocolate. I still despise running, yet I have managed to partake in this loathsome activity no less than THREE times this week!! Me wants a Hershey Bar. Me must persevere....

Low Carb Food....The Good, The Bad and The OMG

So, last time I told you about my induction phase. The withdrawals; the almost fainting. Today, I shall tell you about the food. Oh, the food!! For someone that likes to eat like I do, these recipes were fun to make and mostly terrible to eat. 

For one, I hope I never see another bell pepper again. Bell pepper cups. Bell pepper rings. Bell pepper sticks! I have never particularly cared for bell peppers. After the first two weeks I was so done with bell peppers!! 

Also on the never again list (or at least the not for a long long while list), chef salad. I have made and had some very yummy salads but I hope I don't see another for a long time!

The first two weeks I tried all sorts of recipes. Some were good, but expensive to make, namely, the chili made with 5 pounds of beef stew meat. Yes. You read that right. 5 pounds. I don't think I'll have to worry about iron deficiency for about 10 years. 

I have learned through this process that I do NOT care for goat cheese. In anything. Ever. I made a smoothie. I had a feeling it was going to be terrible when I read the recipe, but it had mostly IBS friendly foods in it and I was trying to be open minded. When you read the name of this smoothie you will most likely say, "what was she thinking?!" Ready? Avocado Gazpacho Smoothie. Yeah. It was bad. It consisted of avocado, goat cheese, chives and almond milk. Oh man!! I even tried to keep drinking thinking it was an "acquired taste". Halfway through the taste had yet to be acquired so I gave up. Ugh. 

I also despise the taste of protein powder. Didn't know that until this venture into low carbedness. And if I'm honest with myself, I'd much rather get my nutrients from actual food. I had to stop taking the vitamins I bought because they made me sick. Through it all though, I learned how NOT to eat low carb. 

I also learned that I could eat eggs multiple times a day for the foreseeable future and never tire of them. I have had scrambled eggs and fresh strawberries for breakfast every day for at least a month. I love eggs. I tried to take the easy way out with shakes and meal bars. While I was still losing weight, I quickly learned that the artificial sweeteners don't agree with me. Well I have always said that stuff wasn't good for me anyway. I use them every now and then when I want something sweet though. 

Someone loaned me a copy of their enormous low carb cookbook and I found some great recipes in it, along with getting a grasp on some low carb baking. I figured out that my belly loves chia seeds and that I can use chia seeds to bake! Hmmmm. So I found a recipe that uses almond meal and flax seed to make bread. Flaxseed and I do not agree. That was a hard lesson....substitute the flax for chia and tada! Bread, pizza crust! I have made low carb pizza that is to die for people. And not a cauliflower in sight! What is people's fascination with cauliflower anyway?

I haven't had a stomach flare up since the first two weeks. I'm losing weight slowly but surely (about a pound a week). I should probably look into growing chia...

        Here's a pic of my low carb pizza. 

Y'all just can't imagine how good this thing was!

Carb Counting...The Highs an the Lows

I have been "low carb" for about 2 and a half months now. I jumped into this with both feet and mind open. I said, "I'll try ALL the foods!" 

First thing's first, what the doctor did NOT tell me. She said "it's easier said than done." She did NOT say, "you are most likely addicted to sugar and you will go through withdrawals and feel like you might die." She probably refrained from saying this for fear I would have not even tried it. She would have been right. During the first two weeks, the "induction phase", I was pretty sure I was either dying or pregnant. I was weak, nauseous, starving and cranky. I'm sure my family was ecstatic. A ray of sunshine I was not. I did not realize that: 1) I was actually addicted to sugar....I mean we say it jokingly but I REALLY was! 2) I would feel this bad! I almost gave up! After about a week and a half I started reading online about symptoms of sugar withdrawal. I had lots of them. Apparently I could have slowly weaned myself off over a period of weeks. Now I find this?! I'm already a week and a half in! I'll stick it out thank you very much! 

Right at the two week mark I decided I'd try exercising...gently. I workout with a group of awesome ladies who constantly push themselves. I explained that I was going to be slow so just leave me behind. I got so tired and winded from the get go! But I was there. Burning fat....slowly. At the very end someone who had already finished her workout came back and got me and encouraged me and I pushed and I did it! I felt great! I went home, made my breakfast talking to my husband all stoked about my accomplishment. I kissed him goodbye and out the door he went. I was bringing my breakfast to the table when the world went dark. I decided I'd better sit down before I fell down. So there I was, plate of breakfast in hand, on the floor. The dog was unsure if he should come steal my food or give me my space. I had pushed a little too hard. Note taken!

Within that first two weeks my husband and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. Coincidentally that same weekend was when my digestive system decided it did not like my new diet. My IBS flared and I stayed sick that whole weekend. Romantic right? What's worse is that I know only one thing that can steady my belly when it's like this. Grains. Easily digestible CARBS! I had to go off my eating plan and get myself better, then regroup and come back at it with a belly friendly plan. But would I really try again? After stepping on the scale at the end of the two weeks I determined I would.

At the end of the first two weeks I had lost 12 pounds! I took this to mean my doctor was correct in her assumption about my body's insulin resistance. I also figured I must be on the right track. Now to figure out what I can and can't eat. With carbs and IBS working against me I was afraid my list of foods to eat would be rather small. 

Next time I'll write about the food I have eaten...the good, the bad, and the OMG what was I thinking?! 

A Visit To The Doctor

It was that time again. Every year around my birthday I go and visit the doctor like a good girl. I get my check up and my blood work done. I nod and smile while she gives me helpful suggestions about improving my health. I don't usually follow this advice because, while I am and have been VERY overweight for some time, I'd always say to myself that my blood work is normal so it's fine.

Last year we did our dance at the doctor. She asked if I was doing anything for exercise. I told her I wasn't really. She said I should and I agreed. My blood work came back fine. Last year though, I wondered how many more years my blood work would come back normal before the effects of years of abuse caught up with my insides like it was with my outsides. Last year I got real.

This year I went back to the doctor 20 pounds lighter. All 20 of those pounds were lost in the first 6 months of trying. Then, it STOPPED. No matter how hard I tried (and boy did I try) the weight will not budge! I have lost 2 pounds in the past 6-7 months. Two. Whole. Pounds. I told my doctor this. When she had asked enough questions and was satisfied that I was, in fact, trying (I mean it's not like I had a past record of trying...) She uttered the exact two words I did not want to hear, "low carb."

You know that part of a movie where the hero sees someone falling to their death and there's nothing they can do so they just reach out toward the person and yell "NOOOOOOOO" in slow motion? Yeah. That was me. Reaching toward cake...and cookies.....and chocolate....

The doctor said something that had to do with insulin resistance and the single largest cause of weight gain and retention being high carb diets. I didn't catch it all because my poor little brain still had the words "LOW CARB" echoing through it. I nodded and smiled and thanked her for her advice on the way out of the door.

So what now? Was I going to give up because the possible solution was within my grasp but seemed too hard? Or was I going to fight? For my health, my family? Be a role model for my kids? I chose to fight.

I read. Article after article about "low carb lifestyles". At first I was a little miffed that I was even considering going against what I had always believed to be bad: restricting a food group. The more I read though I realized my perception of "low carb" and what it actually is are two different things. Low carb is not throwing out every carbohydrate and never eating it again ever.....solely existing on steak and eggs. (I have an uncle who does this. He smells perpetually of egg salad.) It's not called "no carb". It's LOW carb. That's when I thought, "hey, I can maybe do this and not die."

I chose a discipline to follow because I can't imagine taking all the information I read and compressing it and turning it into a diet. Once I chose one of the more popular plans I put it's free tools to use. There was a database of hundreds of recipes to choose from. I was pretty sure that if I didn't plan every meal and have it readily available, I would never be able to stay on track...at least for the first couple of weeks. So I made a menu and I went shopping...

Ignore the yogurt. It's for the kids.

That's what a week's worth of low carb meals looks like. Oh. Except for the apples. I'm not allowed to have those yet. Those are for the hubby. And I got the low carb candy bars just in case I have a weak moment. It's that time of the month and I usually consume copious amounts of chocolate. I was afraid to have no options and fall off the wagon! I will admit, I'm really moving out of my comfort zone with some of these recipes. I bought goat cheese people....

I totally blew my grocery budget this week because of all these fancy things I don't usually buy because I'm a sale shopper. I've got to figure out how to do this on the cheap. Because you guys know me. If I'm one thing....it's cheap! So, grocery budget gone and from what I'm reading I really need to be taking supplements while on this type of diet. Fabulous. Enter the birthday money. I was saving it for skinny clothes, but if I never lose weight....

So this happened.

Bye bye birthday money. I have to give huge props to the dude at GNC. He was super helpful, concerned about my health but also my pocket book and was not condescending at all to the chubby girl with two kids in tow. He even offered my kids samples. I mean I know it's his job and all but he was exceptionally good at it. The whey protein is actually for recipes that I have planned this week. Then I bought super ultra vitamins and a chia chew. The chew is supposed to supplement Omega-3 fatty acids as well as provide a little soluble fiber for my IBS tummy. I took my supplements with breakfast this morning like a good girl. Some of those pills are huge! I saved the chewable for last and it kinda felt like I was getting a treat. This made me happy. If I swallow all the giant vitamins like a good girl I get a Starburst....with crunchy chia seeds in it....

I had set for myself a deadline. Monday would be the day the "low carb lifestyle" would begin. So yesterday was kind of an all bets are off day. We went out to lunch after church with friends. I had a grilled chicken sandwich on a ciabatta bun AND a ton of fries.....

And then this happened...

What?! I HAD to get it out of the house so I wouldn't eat it this week! It was sooooo good. I have been told that after a certain amount of time living a low carb lifestyle (trying not to use the four letter word...diet!) I will find myself able to say I don't even want these types of things. I have my doubts. Chocolate is....well it's chocolate! And sugar is....yummy! We shall see. 

Saturday my totally awesome and supportive husband helped me prep all the stuff for the meals and bag it up so that all I have to do is pull it out and cook. This will be especially helpful for breakfast and lunch since I'm accustomed to pulling out something quick and easy for these meals. He kind of likes the idea of pre-prepping things anyway. He says it will make my life easier. I think I agree! It seemed to work very well this morning. I pulled out my bag labeled "Monday AM", threw the recipe together and ten minutes later I was sitting munching on turkey breakfast sausage, and sautéd bell peppers all smothered with cheese! I like cheese. That is definitely something I'll eat again. Probably next Monday. 

One thing I thought about, and I'm not sure how I feel. Meatless Monday will be kind of suspended until further notice. I need meat. Beans are too starchy right now so they're out. Meat and eggs are going to be my protein. Meat is a lot harder for my body to digest. I'm trying to balance it out with lots of soluble fiber filled veggies. I hope I can do it. If my digestion slows down I'm going to have to rethink my menus. I've  got to make it work though. Because nothing else has. I've got 45 extra pounds dragging me down. They've GOT to go! 

Do you have experience with a "low carb lifestyle?" I'd love to hear your encouraging words about your successes....or even warnings about your failures! What did you do to stay on target? What caused you to fall off the wagon? Let me know in the comments!