Lately, my family has been very...busy. We have finalized an adoption of our third (and I'm now convinced final) child, we have sold our home and moved into a mobile home on rented property. I have accompanied our teens to church camp. Next week my husband will help bring the kids.
There's one thing in particular that has captured everyone's attention. A lot of people seem to be focused on the fact that we sold a "real" house to buy and live in a mobile home. They don't understand it. It's counterproductive to what we are taught is the end goal in our society. "Powerful,handsome, successful, happy", we chant to ourselves before we rush out the door in an effort to somehow make that chant come true for us. We need a bigger house. We need a nicer car. We need designer clothes. We need the "freedom" that comes from being an entrepreneur and able to take in limitless amounts of cash with minimal effort.
In the past couple of years God has truly been the Potter in my life. One day during one of those shaping sessions, I was trotting (can't REALLY call it running) through an affluent neighborhood looking at all of the extravagantly lovely homes and daydreaming about "one day". One day when we can afford to give our family all of this... The Holy Spirit spoke to me (in that way He has) and asked me to look closely. What would I give them? Four beautiful walls to shut us in from the ones we should be broken for? Holy as I am, I immediately presented my side of the argument. I mean, if we were able to have a home such as this just THINK of all the foster children we could take in! Then God slapped me in the face with it. I was doing myself a service and disguising it as charity, because again it made me look golden.
Am I saying the 'haves' have it all wrong? No. I'm saying that we really have to examine ourselves. God wants to grant us the desires of our hearts...when they line up with HIS will and plan for us. We are so easily swayed and so shortsighted. We have to be careful of our motives. To chase after Jesus isn't to better our selves and look out for us. Jesus himself was the epitome of self sacrifice. When we run hard after the heart of God it doesn't always make sense to the naked eye, but oh the experiences we will have, the difference we will make and the true happiness there is to be found.
For some, running hard after God looks like leaving everything behind to go into the mission field. For others, it looks like being our own boss to free up time and money to donate to worthy causes. And for others still having a heart like God's looks an awful lot like selling your house and buying a mobile home so that you have your resources freed up for what's next...even when it's not clear what it is.
And you know what's funny? When I gave up what I thought I wanted and surrendered to what God has in store for us, He blessed me. Not only with the peace and contentment that just confirms I'm where I need to be, but He granted me the soaking tub that all tired Mamas dream of. Because He loves me. Because He wants nothing but the best for me. Not just here and now, but for eternity.
I have a long way to go, and maybe that's why God hasn't revealed the next part of His plan just yet. He knows I might faint. But here and now I'm learning to surrender.