Here I Am

I'm re-discovering a lot about myself lately. Things I knew about myself, but I forgot. Like, I am not a distance runner, but I'm exhilarated by speed. I am inherently lazy and, if I do not exercise self discipline, I will never exercise again. (I have not had self discipline for quite some time now.)

 I miss knitting. I miss writing. I miss leisure reading. I like junk food and don't have any self control where it's concerned. I miss feeling good about my food choices. I want to learn French. 

Where did all that stuff go? Where did I go? Well, I brought my daughter to dance class. I brought my son to soccer practice. I brought my foster child to visit his biological family. I home schooled. I led a home school co-op. I ran a home. There wasn't time for all that other stuff. 

Or was there? What about all those minutes wasted on social media? What about those minutes "surfing" the net? 

What about all those grocery shopping trips where I could have bought good food, but I bought what was "cheapest" instead? What about all that ice cream I ate after all those bedtimes? Junk food eaten while staring at a screen. 

My life is full of choices. I made them. When I made the wrong ones I lost pieces of me. My hobbies, my dreams, my health (to some extent). I've been grumbling about being overly busy. About not having time for what makes me smile. Have I even tried? Have I made choices that will allow me to do what I love? To participate in what interests me? To make me a better me? Have I? 

The beauty of life is that every moment is a choice. You make choices right up until the moment you leave this earth. Our choices affect who we are now and who we are for eternity. We just have to be mindful of making the right choices. 

So here I am. On the precipice of more choices. Big ones. Little ones. Every day ones. Life altering ones. Here I am. Where will I go?